Walking By Faith 🙏🙏

What is faith?

Faith is believing in something and not being able to see it at all.

You put your faith in someone or God. I have to say this, you don’t put your faith in unstable people because you cannot depend on them…   I say that to say this because people will let you down all the time. It speaks about unstable people in the  Bible. It can be found in James 1-8

A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

You really cannot depend on someone who is wishy washy. This person will be all over the place and isn’t good for your well being.

God is there all the time and he is someone whom you can put your full trust in.  

Without faith things will not be possible.

When you are faced with a very hard decission, what do you normally do?

I know one thing I always do is ask friends advice instead of asking God about what  I have to do.

I am not saying anything is wrong with that, but sometimes you could end up with some horrible advice. I know you trust your friends and will listen to them first. You know what, that isn’t always a good thing to do.

You know if you go to the Lord first his advice and answers to your prayers  are the best thing for you.

Sometimes he may not answer your prayers, but know this he did answer by saying no or just staying silent on what ever issue you bring before him.

Also if he doesn’t answer in a way that you think he should, don’t get mad and turn your back on God.

Remember this and I also have to remember that God will answer your prayers and it may not be what you want but it will be what God sees for your life.

All things happens in Gods’ own timing. He sees all and knows all.

Please don’t give up  on God. He is probably saving you from hardship and danger.

You don’t know how many times in a day that the Lord has intervened on your behalf.

In the bible it talks about walking by faith and not by sight. It is found in 2 Corinthians 5-7

 (For we walk by faith, not by sight:)

For my readers that will read this short blog of mines I am a blind lady and I walk by faith  everytime I leave my house I am going out on faith.

I could very well stay in the house but I trust God and he is with me all the way.

So now my faitf is;   

F Forsaking

A All

I I’m

T Trusting

H him  

Thank you for reading until next time

Just remember as much as I love you Jesus loves you even more!!!

KTF

:-) Friendships are hard to come by! :-)

I was a little bored today so I took this test to see what kind of friend I am and this test was very accurate how  it   turned out.

It asked me 10 different questions about how I interact with my small circle of friends.  It was on point with how I spend my time with friends.

Know this if I don’t speak to you on a daily basis know one thing I do think of you, and pray for you.  My friends and I also tell each other we love each other every time  we talk, because you never know when you will receive that call with bad news.

So make every moment count. What ever you do in life leave foot prints in peoples lives and hearts because kindness and friendliness will go further than you know. Also admit when you’re wrong. Even when you have something hard to tell them take some time and tell them. It will hurt, but it will be out in the open. It will be easier to work through then not saying anything at all. speaking from experience in my life as well.

I’ve had to tell a friend something very difficult in my life but we got through it with care and you will do the same.   

Also  never let a disagreement go for a long period  of time. You never know what a day could  bring.  If something happens to that person you will never be able to get  the chance to make things right with them and fix the friendship. So just don’t let the sun set on your anger.

In the bible,  it speaks of not letting the devil get  a foothold  in your life. That passage can b found in  Ephesians  4:26:27

    Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

27 Neither give place to the devil.

I know it speaks of not letting the sun go down on your wrath.

I am guilty of it as well. When you sleep with anger you’ve already let the devil in. This goes for families and friendships as well.  

So if you value your friendship you will work on making things a little better.

We also  have pride and will let that stand in the way, but if you do that can also ruin things.

So treasure your friends.

I have often  said in my lifetime that friends are hard to come by. Usually when I make friends I try to keep my friends.

Also found in the bible in verse 31 and 32  of Ephesians  it will show you how to maintain a friendship. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.  So if you can at least try treating people with the same love that Christ has shown you then you will be a happier person.  I know it isn’t easy but we can certainly give  it our best.

I will share the results of what that test said. It was like they were reading my mind. 🙂 My thoughts are usually all over the place. So I imagine that was a roller coaster in itself.

      Friendships make life so enjoyable. The friends you’ve got are often people you have known for a long time, who have stuck with you through thick and thin. You form a loyal little gang who protect each other and care for each other. You can be frank with each other and you know how to pull together during difficult times. Your friends keep you grounded and you’re never bored when they’re around. They are affectionate and fun and there is a positive energy in the air when you spend time together. You all understand that it’s the quality of the time you spend together, not the quantity, that counts. You enjoy meeting up and look forward to it when the occasion arises. You prepare for it in an almost ritualistic manner, each member of the group with their own important role. You gel together well because of mutual respect for your loyal, warm ‘second family’. Friendship is precious to you and is a vital part of your journey through life. You know that it is something to be shared, and that you must cultivate your friendships with love.  

I thank you if you stuck around and read my blog. It was a little hard to write because word was  giving me a rough time. I got through it though.

As much as I love you Jesus loves you even more! Until next time KTF and god bless!

From Cellulitis to coronavirus

From Cellulitis to the Corona Virus

A new year starts and just my luck I end up in the emergency room  on Jan 1st.  That is how my 2020 started.

I woke up on New  Years Eve with my face swollen on the left side.  I was  thinking oh great this really sucks to be feeling like this, and my 2019 is going to end up with someone being upset because I may have to go to the hospital because I wasn’t feeling good at all. My nephew saw me and asked if I was ok. I told him, “I really don’t feel good at all.”

I was at my sister’s house who panics if she has to go near a hospital. So I tried to make myself feel better. It didn’t work at all. By the time midnight had rolled around I felt even worse. Slept as well as possible, but not much sleep at all because I was in so much pain and whatever I took did not ease the pain.  

So on Jan 1 I called my other sister, who works in a hospital and asked if she could take me to find out what is going on.  I don’t Like hospitals  but I will go if I have to.

So me and my sister headed to the hospital. I called mama to let her know . I also called my special friend Matt Harris to let him know what was going on.  I left a message and Matt called back while I was getting a CT scan. I had to get a CT scan because my face was swollen. So my sister was the one to tell Matt what was going on.

It turns out the problem was I have  Cellulitis. You ask how  did  you  get that? I got it due to a broken tooth. The tooth broke so far that my gums got infected. So now I know not to wait on going to the dentist.

They fixed me up and sent me on my way. I was given pain killers and Antibiotics. I was so glad to be leaving after the torture they put me through. I will spare you the details.

So 2020 has been a test of my faith. I felt all alone and don’t know why.   I know the Lord was with me and has answered all my prayers.  God provided all the funds for the dentist.  I did not have to pay a big dental bill.I have dental insurence but it doesn’t cover everything. I had to have a couple of wisdom teeth and another tooth remove and some other stuff done.  The Lord provided a way.

I think way too much when i’m alone and i’ve spent too much time alone. Feeling the loneliness of an empty nester and this stay home order  unless you  really have to get out for something. I stayed home as long as possible.

The first time I left is after being home for 3 months. I was about to go stair crazy. I went to see my family for a couple of days.  Did what I was told to do. Wear your mask and stay 6 feet away from everyone and wash your hands. I did all of that. I also traveled to California to see my God Children. I was fine. Now I am still doing everything to stay healthy. I decided to spend some more time with my family because  there was so much stuff going on in my family. I thought I was going to lose my mother. I have never been so scared in my life. That phone call I got very early in the morning got me up and walking the floor. Praying for my mama to be ok. It turns out that she tested positive for  Covid-19 and not a stroke like I was told. Also my step dad tested positive as well. Now my parents recover and then my brother ends up in a bad automobile accident. We almost lost him. When I found out he was in ICU on a vent. More praying and lots of tears. Not much sleep. So dealing with my brother being in the hospital for 2 months. That was hard and stressful on us as you can imagine. I went to sit with my brother for a day to help out and try to keep my sister in-law  from not getting  so stressed out. The way I was treated at the hospital when I showed up to be with my brother. The staff  went into a panic. I had to convince them that I was more than capable of taking care of myself. They freaked out enough to where they were wanting my daughter to stay. Knowing that only one visiter  a day. So while I was with my brother I did not ask for any kind of assistance from them. They made me so angry. Thinking that blind people can’t take care of themselves. So when I needed to  ffind my way to the bathroom or the elevator I used Be My Eyes to find my way around. What is Be My Eyes?  It is a service that provides sighted assistance for blind people. It works all around the world that can handle it’s software. You can use it on a smart phone and  the app is really easy to use.      I really wished I could have seen the looks from the staff when I found my way around without asking them for help. So with all the prayers being answered my brother got out of the hospital and is able to finish all his therapy at  home.

So now I am thinking all is good and I am so praising God because he bought my brother back to us. So now after everything settles down. The morning I am coming home I wake up not feeling good at my sister’s house. This is the sister who gets in a panic if you even mention hospitals. So I just didn’t say anything about not feeling good at all. I came home and at something and took a shower and fell asleep until 7 the next morning. Mind you this I fell asleep at 5 the previous evening. I knew something was wrong, but wasn’t sure. I thought it was my sinuses and asthma acting up. The weather was being weird. When the weather changes like that I have issues. So after  a few days go by I am not getting better at all. My daughter calls me and says I am coming to hang out. Had to tell her I am not feeling good. I also ask her to take me to urgent care if I am not feeling good in a couple of days. So on Monday afternoon my friend Matt calls and we are just having our talk and goofing off with each other. We have a special bond and have been friends for 4 years now. Our bond took a little time to form, because I don’t trust to easily. But that is for a different post. Matt did tease me about getting a little Corona. So after laughing with him and I was in better spirits.  I started to get a little nervous when I could not smell the hand soap after washing my hands. So I took  a shower and still couldn’t smell anything. I called  my daughter to ask can you  please take me to Urgent Care because I can not smell anything. We get there and had to wait for a while. The whole time while I was waiting I was praying. So the nurse came and ask the usual stuff. So the nurse did the test on me. The doctor came in and did not talk to me. He kept talking to my daughter like she was the patient. The nurse was very nice. It turns out that the nurse was my next door  neighbor. So I got the news about testing positive or rather my daughter did. I really didn’t care for that doctor at all.

So now I am home and it is bad. Trust me you don’t want this virus at all. It felt like the flu amplified a hundred times. I know it is different for everyone.  I have never been so isolated in my life. I was sick and could not go very long without a breathing treatment at all. Really couldn’t eat because if I did couldn’t taste anything and if I ate something to heavy I tossed my cookies. Sorry don’t mean to groce anyone out, but that is what happened. somedays were different and somedays were very hard on me. There were times all I did is drink water and chicken broth and ate a little bit of fruit. I am so glad to be over that nasty pestilance. I think that is what the Corona Virus is and we are living in the final days. I think we need to be in the Word more and trying to get the gospel out there. People need to know and we have all the available  highways to carry out the great Commission.  In Matthew  2818:19:20 

18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.

19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

This is the great commission. So we must do our part to get the gospel out there and make sure as many as possible will receive the gospel. We need to try and try because the day will come where no man can work. So now you know how my 2020 has been. If you read this let me know all about your 2020 This year has been interesting.

Happy Resurrection day

As I sit and reflect on this time of the year. I think about my Savior. My savior who died on the cross for me over 2000 years ago.

He didn’t have to but he loved me so much that he gave his life for me.

In the bible it speaks of the unconditional  love of Christ. John 15:13

 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Now who could love someone that much that they would lay down their life for them. I know if it came down to my daughters I would. I know it isn’t the same but I love my girls unconditionally.  

In your lifetime you find people who say they love you and will be with you always. Well they mean well and  it is good intentions on their part but sometimes circumstances just don’t work out.  

Friends may come into your life for a season or a reason. While they are in your life enjoy them while you can. Some people leave footprints on your heart and they are with you for a lifetime.

Christ is with you no matter what. He will never leave you or forsake you.

You could have this blessed assurance. All you have to do is pray this simple prayer.

I prayed this prayer when I was 14 years old in Mrs. Bakers’ classroom. I can still remember the day like it was yesterday.

I still don’t remember what Sandy Moore was teaching but one thing that sticks out is when she mentioned hell in her lesson on the bus on  our way to church that Sunday morning.

I had been searching for a while and the holy spirit convicted my heart. That was the first time I ever heard the gospel.

I grew up in church but never heard the gospel as clear and simple as I did that day.  It was so clear that I knew I needed Jesus.

So on September 13 1987 I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior.

So now if you want Jesus in your heart pray this prayer.

 Dear Jesus, I know I’m a sinner and would be lost in hell without You. Please forgive me for my sins and come into my life. I believe that You died on the cross for my sins and that God, Your Father, raised You from the dead. Thank You, Jesus, for giving me Your free gift of eternal life. Amen.

If you prayed that prayer and meant it in your heart you now can celebrate this Resurrection day.

Thank you Jesus for saving my soul. This blind girl had been searching for a long time. Now I have you and I never will be alone.

As much as I love you, Jesus loves you even more. KTF Keep The Faith

Dealing with grief

Grief

Here it is an ordinary day around my apartment. I watched movies and practice for karoke. My day was going just fine.

I had a little frozen pizza for dinner. Settled down and talked with a few friends I hadn’t talked with in a while. I decided I wanted a small bowl of cereal a couple of hours after dinner. I felt a little hungry and figured I didn’t eat  enough.

So on my way to the kitchen I heard  a text come across my phone.  

It happened to be from my brother in-law. I thought hmmm he better not be texting me to tell me my buddy Shell is dead.

Wait a minute I know I haven’t posted my thoughts lately, but I have put them in a file and will post them when I  am ready.

I am taking my time to grieve. I had learned this from a grief support group that deals with grief.

I have learned that grief comes in many forms. I have dealt with a lot of it in my lifetime.  So I will deal with it in the best way I can. I will let it out and perge. Not perging in the way you think. What I mean by perging I am not grieving in silence anymore.

I think the first step is to admit you are grieving.

Grief is experienced in all kinds of ways. Whether it be a loss of a friendship, lover, family member. You have to deal with it in the best way that you can.

Whether you scream and cry. It is perfectly fine for you to cry it is a way of getting your feelings out and you will feel better after a good cry. I know some people may not agree. I had to grow up in a house where you really didn’t show your emotions.  Now I did not keep my feelings all bottled up I let my feelings out.

Dealing with all I had to deal with before I was 13 years  old was hard enough in itself. Also I will talk about all of that in my book that I am currently writing.  It may be out in a year or more because I am doing  all the work  by myself. So it will take me just  a little bit  longer to finish.  

So now my thoughts are all over the place. So please hang on for the ride. I am sorry in advance. My head is too full to sleep.

I know I may sleep after I finish writing.

Tonight I received some news and I am having a hard time dealing so just decided to write. That may help and I am hoping it will.

Ok now for a little background on this post. My friend Shell died this afternoon.

We all expected him to live. Shell was in the hospital for almost a month with double Pneumonia and blood clots in his legs. He did not have Covid.  He was taking a turn for the best. We was thanking God that he was going to recover. Well the Lord had different plans. I know you’re not suppose to question God. Sometimes I have to ask “God why?”

I have to talk to the Lord like I am having a conversation with anyone else.  

So around 8:30 on march 30 I got the news Shell died.

You know everyone always  ask how did it happened. He was getting better until the staff infection. So with everything that was going on with his body he was to weak to fight anymore.

So the Lord took him home. I know it’s God’s will and don’t understand but God knows and everything happens  in his timing.

So this grief is here again. Usually when I grieve I don’t sleep. So I am wanting to get at least a nap.

So I will miss my  buddy, but I will see him again.

There is one memory  that will always be with me that Shell did and I am forever grateful.

We had went to Arkansas for my brother in-laws’ wedding. My Ex husband was being a jerk. I will spare you the details. Shell came to my rescue and gave my Ex husband  a really  good talking to.  I didn’t want to embarrass anyone so I just gave the shortform of the story.

People can say what they want about Shell but I had a new found respect for him. Shell will always be remembered as a lot of roughness around the edges but I will always have the respect for him.

I will miss him and now it is time for me to sleep.

The first step of my grieving is to pray for some sleep. I already know I will cry.

I am taking my grief in stages. This is the best way to deal. Everyone deals with grief in different ways.

I am so glad I am in a grief support group because I need to deal with all the loss I have been through in the last 10 years.

Group is helping and I am so thankful for it. I am glad to know other people who have experienced similar situations.

With the help of prayer and grief group I think I will be just fine.

Thank you for reading and staying with my scattered thoughts. Until next time.

As much as I love you Jesus loves you even more. KTF. Keep The faith;

The Journey Of A Woman Scorned

The journey of a Woman Scorned

After reading Journey by Danielle Steel and watching A Woman Scorned, the Betty Broderick story.  I have to say please don’t get to a point in your life where you let hatred take over your life so bad that it could ruin your life and others.  

In  the book I read the woman was abused by her first husband. She was abused to the point that she ran for her life. She ran to a man who she thought loved her and also she thought he would be there for her. He was there for her, but not without stipulations. This woman found out 7 years later.  You know how that old saying goes that everything  that glitters is not gold. Well if  you were on the outside looking in you would have thought they had the perfect marriage. Well it  wasn’t the perfect marriage. He abused her and it was very subtle  at first. Then he showed his true colors. This man was a snake and he played her like a deck of cards. He was very charming and slowly gained her trust. What she thought was love wasn’t love at all. It  turned out to be a narcissistic jerk wanting to control, own and abuse her. This type of love  isn’t  love at all. He was building  her up for several years. Then when he had her right where he wanted her.  He  started controlling her.  This particular book took me back a little bit. I was mentally  and sometimes physically abused.     

I don’t want to make this all about me, but I went through a similar situation and this isn’t a good life to live. In my situation my husband came across real charming to my friends and family. In the home when we were all alone he  picked at me and put me down every chance he got. I could not do anything right in his eyes. I always wondered if he felt like this before he married me. This is also a form of gas lighting. They are nice  to you in front of people and never apologizing for their  behavior behind closed doors. When this happens everything is your fault. You are made to feel that you are to blame and you cannot do anything right.    

I got to the point that I just let my friends go on and on about how nice my hubby was. Knowing that it was all a lie.   It got so bad that I just let him put me down. I was very embarrassed and scared to talk about my family life. I just went on as if life was fine. Now I know better.  After months of counseling I am a better person. With Christ and counseling I am on a better path. I just want to let you ladies know there is help out there and you don’t have to suffer  in silence. As a matter of fact by the time I got the help I needed my marriage was over. I truly believe that I am better off as a divorced 48 year old woman with my life back than a scared woman who hid a lot of things.   

The crazy thing about going through the divorce I got friends back that I had not seen or spoke to in years. The  whole thing about that was my friends that are ladies felt very uncomfortable around my ex and he was coming on to them. My friends  didn’t  know how to handle what he was doing.   So they just took themselves out of my life. It was so gradual   that I didn’t even think about it much. I figured people always went down  different paths  in their lives.  So I figured they were in my life for a season or a reason. So I just adjusted without those friends.  Now I understand why they left. They told me if I  would have told you.  You  would not have  believed  us.   They are right about that because  I trust until I am given a reason not to trust.

He broke my trust all on his own and The mental and sometimes physical abuse was very hard.  So ladies and gentlemen if you can get out please do!  I stayed for my children and that isn’t a good excuse at all. In the long run you have children that could follow in your foot steps.

Also this  isn’t  a good example that you are setting for your children. I am  so glad to be single and out of that nightmare. My God has me and he will never leave me or forsake me.  

Also to the people who run their mouths and don’t understand why someone can stay please don’t put a person down for it because it is harder to leave than you know. So don’t go running your mouth when you have a friend who opens up and trust you please be a friend. I always say this, “A listening ear can very well be a running mouth.” This is why it is so hard for people to get out. They have a hard time trusting and also not knowing who is a friend. A true friend will do anything they could to help.

In the book of Proverbs it speaks of a man who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24 says,

A man that hath friends must show  himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks  closer than a brother.

So if you are in this type of lifestyle please know you can get the help you need. whatever you do please don’t suffer in silence. I don’t want to sound like a broken record but this is serious and you can live a better life.

You are worth it and you are loved. Jesus loves you unconditionally. That means no strings or stipulations. He loves you just the way you are. All you have to do is come to him in faith and trust him.

   Now moving over to a woman scorned, it is horrible what men and women will do while going through a divorce. I know there is no reason for someone to let  their anger get so out of control that you act first and think later. You should always have a way of calming yourself down. This woman was pushed to a point in her life that she did the unthinkable. Now don’t get me wrong but her husband was good to her for 16 years and he started getting the wondering eye syndrome.  It all started with his assistant.

The assistant was very pretty and barely out of high school. So of course he looked. The lust of the flesh took over and next thing you know he was leaving his wife and children. I am not going to claim I know what all happened in that house, but he did his wife so wrong. I think that is why she went off the rails. I know it is easier said than done. Control  your temper!  In the Bible it speaks of slow to speak, rath  and fast to listen. James 1:19 says,

Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

So this is where the rubber meets the road. basically try to keep a level head. If someone takes you there please ask the Lord for help. TheLord will give you strength against your flesh. So when you are in the flesh like that please cry out to the Lord he has got you and all you have to do is trust and believe. I know it is hard to get it together when you are angry. It takes me a lot to get angry now but the Lord has helped in so many ways. Also when you are angry things come out and regret comes later after you have a chance to calm down.

The tongue is a small member but it can cut like a knife. Also found in the book of James

    3 5:6

Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!

6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

Even when watching your temper you really should watch what you say to someone. I always say it isn’t what you say to a person it is how you say it to them.

Your words can leave a impression on someones life. This is why you should be very careful because you never know what is going on with someone.

I say that to say this divorce isn’t easy and it should be handled very carefully.

You really have to think of  your children and how this will affect them for the rest of their life.

The woman in aA Woman Scorned acted first and thought later. Her actions left her children without any parents at all. No father, mother or step mom. So now children without parents and she has to live with the guilt of murder. I have to say for every action there is a reaction. If you let your hatred get out of control so bad it can get you into so much trouble.

I cannot speak for the woman in A Woman Scorned, but I will say this hatred is so heavy on the heart. It is actually easier to love than hate. I pray that mrs. Broderick got the help she needed. I know she has to be dealing with a heavy burden that the Lord can only help her through.

If you stayed with me through all of my scatter brain thoughts I thank you.

Until next time. KTF As much as I love you Jesus loves you even more.

Just a little encouragement if you’re feeling sad or lonely

Birthday Month

As I sit here on this cold afternoon I am just thinking about my birthday. I will be 48 in exactly 2 weeks. It will be celebrated so much different from last year. I was with my family and we were celebrating two occasions my birthday and my nephew leaving to go to the Army. I was going to miss that young man. I helped raise him and my daughter Stormy is his best friend and cousin. They always played video games together. I always had to get on them for rough housing.  This birthday will be spent at home. I am hoping to see my girls. I call one of my daughters Pooh Bear and my other daughter is Stormy.

I already know I will be receiving gifts from friends who i’ve known for 20 years or more.

My friend Sandy told me to be thinking about the place where I would like to go eat whenn it warms up. So I normally like to say I celebrate my birthday for the whole month, but this year I will settle for the one day I was born. It really don’t feel right for some reason. I know things will get better.

Atleast I have my books to escape into when I am here all alone. I have read 4 books in the last week. So I am doing the same thing I did when I lost my sight.

I thank God I learned braille in 1982 when I was 9 years old. When I woke up on that morning back in 1986 and I actually thought it was still night time.

My sister kept saying get up for school and I said it is dark. It isn’t time to get up yet. The last thing I remember seeing is the hall light. My mom always left the hall light on just incase my younger brothers or sisters got up in the night. That hall light was my guide as well. That is how I was able to find my way out of my room to the bathroom.

It is coming up on 35 years of me being blind, later in the  Spring.

Being blind can be a lonely road to walk. I am trusting Jesus everyday to get me through. I have been through a lot in my 48 years on this earth and Jesus has been with me through out it all. Even when I could not feel his presents he was always with me.

If you ever read that old poem Foot Prints In The Sand, you will know what I mean. You see two sets of foot prints in the sand and sometimes you see one set. The two  sets mean the Lord is walking right beside you. The single set of foot prints is the Lord is carrying you through when you just can’t do it anymore.

I am at a point in my life again where I am doing things and I am finding that if I write or read books or listen to music I can get through the day. Sometimes being blind makes me sad, but I know Jesus will get me through all of my stormy seas. I have to lean on these verses everyday. Proverbs 3:5:6  

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Those verses are the verse I think of all day. They help me so much.

Trust the Lord he will never  fail you or forsake you.

So all in all I get sad and lonely sometimes and I just need a reminder.

I know it is normal to feel that way. So if you feel this way. Pray and just trust God. Sometimes a friend will encourage you and they will not even have a clue that they helped.

I shall write again soon. Take care and always Keep The Faith.

I love you but Jesus loves you even more. Until next time! KTF

You are so worth it.

Unworthy:

I say I’m unworthy, but in Christ I know I am worthy.

I am  just sitting here thinking about my life. I have done somethings in my life I know I  should  not be forgiven for, but I know Christ forgives all.

I am  thinking about when I was married and I wonder if I married too  quickly and I was too much in like and not in God’s will  to realize that he wasn’t the one who God had set aside  for me.  I felt like the Lord was telling me he was the one. I know now he definitely wasn’t the right person for me.  All of my physical scars have healed.  I still have emotional scars that only the Lord can heal.

  I have to wonder if some of what my children are doing these  days  is my fault. I know at one point in time in my walk with the Lord I wasn’t a very good Christian.

 I have run from God several times and yes you are reading this right. I tried to fix everything on my own. I got so far down on myself and tried to drown my sorrows in drinking. That didn’t work. I just woke up the next day hung over.  I hope someone that reads this it  will help them in the long run.

  I feel horrible for things I did when I was backslidden.  I know in Christ  I am forgiven. I blame myself for not staying  with it and holding on to the everlasting arms. When I needed him the most. I was that frighten little girl who hid from someone who abused her and used her.  I feel like at times I am not worthy to be happy at all because everytime I look around there is another  storm.

 How many times can I say I am sorry for things I have done. Now I know the Lord forgives me and I have to put it all at his feet and just let it go.

 I feel so alone and isolated. I know the Lord is here and I know it will be worth it all in the end. Sometimes when I feel like this, It is a test of my faith. So I have to feed my faith and starve my doubts. Wait a minute! You ask me, “What is feeding my faith and starving my doubts?” That is when I go to the Lord for everything and stay in his word. Read your bible and pray everyday, that  is how you grow.     I have not been a very good Christian and I have given it all to the Lord.

 I really feel like I am going to be alone for the rest of my life because I think people don’t understand this  blind woman and therefore  will not take the time to get to know me at all.

 I have several  acquaintances  in my life but only a few that I can call my true friends. So my circle is very small and that is a good thing because they have seen me at my best and at my worst. So if you cannot handle me at my worst please don’t try to handle me at my best. I am a sinner saved by grace. I will make mistakes and let you down.

 I am not looking for a pity party either. Just would like to be a blessing to someone out there who is hurting. Please try to get some help by talking to someone who you can trust. Also everyone cannot be trusted, so be very careful. I say that to say this. A listening ear can be a running mouth.

 I just wondered what would have happend to me if I had  stayed on the path of destruction. I feel so guilty for what I have done, but God has forgiven me and I need to let it go  and stop hanging on to the past.

I think sometime there is no way I will make it in. So you know if you have accepted Christ as your personal saviour then you know you cannot lose your salvation. Once saved always saved.

My thoughts are all over the place and so please hang on for the ride.

So now getting back to relationships, it is hard for me, because men seem to change their minds every five minutes. I don’t want this to turn into a bashing post of men. I feel like men and women don’t know what they want in life and when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. If you say you love or care for someone how come they run from you. Some people cannot handle when people are honest with each other. It is ok, but just don’t string someone along for the wrong reasons. If you do this then the  individuals will get hurt. Sometimes this can stem from someone who has been hurt so bad and they cannot commit because of something in their past. Remember there are still some genuine people out there and will have your best interest at heart. I had a friend say to me the other day do you want me to fix you up with a man and I said, “No!”  because all they seem to do is make you  cry. I just want to do the single life right now. Although sometimes being single can get very boring when you see other couples making plans for holidays or vacations. So life is so complicated  and I don’t need the extra heartache. Not saying I will be single forever but right now that is the plan. I have to wait on the Lord for a husband because It isn’t good for man or woman to be alone. You know love is a big part of a humans life and you will not be able to survive without some kind of love. Now I see why so many single men and women have pets. Don’t get me wrong I love pets but I don’t want to take the time to nurture them and right now at this point in my life cannot afford them. I know that may sound harsh but if I cannot commit to taking care of a pet I am better off not getting one.

I have to do a lot on my own and I am by myself quite a bit.  It would be nice to be able to go out with a friend because life is too short to live like a recluse and not get out there at all. Am I living in a fantasy world? Maybe in a perfect world it’s suppose to be this way!

That only happens on television or in a book. I know we are suppose to be wise as serpents and harmless  as doves. I have to wonder about when a relationship does not go the way someone feels like it should.  Then people in the circle of friends treat each other different. It always left me wondering if they were my friend to begin with? I wonder about that at times.

 I  feel alone and I know I am not alone. I have  confessed and asked for forgiveness but it seems like Christian friends are more stand offish than some random stranger you run into when you are out shopping. This isn’t a post to bring down my brothers and sisters in Christ. I am just saying that sometimes there are clicks and if you don’t fit their status quo then you are left out and that isn’t right either. So please don’t take what I just said the wrong way because I am just stating what I have experienced in my life.

So I have been single for 9 years now. I have seen how much life has changed. I have had friends come and go. Also friends who have said, “How come you cannot get over this divorce already?” That is coming from someone who I thought was a friend that could understand what I was going through. I know now when you cannot seem to move along in life people run out of patience with you and avoid you if you’re being so down in the dumps. This is when you just trust God and he will never let you down. He will stick closer than a brother.

I know things have changed so much since the divorce. How can you tell because people are different towards you because the way they talk to you. Let them find out you are divorced. This is where a lot of judgement comes in to the picture. People who have no clue about what happened start running their mouths without having any information at all. You have to understand there are always three sides to a story. His side, her side, and the truth. If you are just talking without the facts pleas stop. I will say this again, a listening ear could very well be a running mouth. So please if you cannot be an encouragement just keep your mouth shut. I have been on the receiving end of that criticism. That doesn’t always help at all. Plus it isn’t good for someones self esteem. The words you say could very well push them over the edge. The tongue is a very small member but it can cut more than a 2 edged sword. Remember there is always a perpetrator and a victim in all divorces. So if you don’t want to cause anymore pain be a true friend.

   I am going to get a little more personal here. I have dealt with men and you will understand why I am feeling the way I feel. Some men are very understanding and some are not so understanding at all. Some get your trust and let you down. I feel like these are men who have been hurt. So they become protective and keep women at an arms length. Or they hurt them. What I mean by they hurt them is by getting them to trust them. Then when things are going great they will intentionally sabotage the relationship. This is when you know you are dealing with someone who has been hurt in the past or someone who is a player and just don’t want to commit.

So you ask how would I know all of this stuff. I have been there with men. Both kinds and it just makes you want to just give up. Please don’t give up. Keep your eyes wide open because you will see the signs. I will give you a few of the signs. First you all cannot get enough of each other. You talk all the time and share everything. The chemistry is so good and you just want to do a lot of things together. Then all of a sudden you are being pushed aside and rushed off the phone and you are left questioning  if you have done something wrong. Usually when you have to question things there’s your answer. That particular person has found someone else and is afraid to tell you. Or that person was just playing with your heart mind and emotions. If the second part is right then you know that some men or women are not good people when it comes down to relationships.

I was talking with a guy and told him a lot about me. He was so kind and he drew me in. I let him know that I could not have anymore children. He said that everything was ok. He really didn’t mean it at all. He ran as soon as he found someone who was younger and could still have children. I am not trying to put younger women down I don’t blame her because she didn’t know. It was the man’s fault who I was confiding in he wasn’t being very true at all. I told him I chose to have a surgery that would prevent me from having anymore children. Also that surgery saved my life.  I guess  I was selfish when I ppractically passed   out at work.  I arrived at the hospital with a blood count of 6.2 when your  blood count is suppose to be at least  12 to 14. I ended up getting  a blood transfusion and before I left the hospital I ended up getting 6 units of blood. Just have to be a little sarcastic here. You will find out I am just a little sassy.

  I am sorry I wanted to see my kids grow up and spoil my grand children. I am sorry if I was selfish   because I like living and I know the Lord has me here for a reason.

 I had to have an emergency  hysterectomy  because of the problem I have  called endometriosis.  I felt like a half of woman  because I still had baby   fever back then  and still  wanted  more children. Now I feel so different about having more children now.  I have done the single mom role for 9 years now. My daughters are adults.  And I know the Lord meant for me to just have two children.

 There is times when  I wish my life had turned out a little different. I am not writing this because I want people to feel sad when they read this.  I just want my story out there so it could help. When you are feeling like you are not worthy. You are so worth it and please don’t sell yourself short. I know it is easier said than done. Pick yourself up and keep it moving. Trust God he will be with you always. I am just letting my feelings out and once I finish I can go back behind the wall that I feel safe behind. Walls are very sturdy until they start to crumble or someone knocks it completely down. Also please don’t feel sad for me because I seem to bounce back.

 The wall that  protects me is the solid rock of Jesus. I am going to walk by  faith and let God hold me because that is the only way I can make it during the good and bad times.  So until the storm passes over I am safe with my Lord.

I have been  listening to a song and I don’t know if it fits here but I will put it at the  end of this post.

I have stumbled so much and God forgives all. I just wish sometimes I would not have  stumbled at all.  Then  I could have been a better example for my daughters.  I love the lord and I know I should not run. I get frighten and just feel like I need to run. who can protect me more than myself?  I know I am not suppose to feel this way and I am doing better at it than I did back then.

   I know God has me. He knows all my tears i’ve cried in the years of my life.    

The name of the song i have been listening to is called, I come by  The Way of the cross.

This song has been played at least once a day for me. I put the lyrics here. You will understand why I listen to it so much. I don’t own rights to this song.

Please fill free to comment and if you have a prayer request you can leave it here and I will pray for you. Also remember as much as I love you. Jesus loves you even more.

KTF Keep The Faith… 🙂

 Condemned to die on a cross for crimes he had done

 He was guilty- everyone could see.

 But his destiny was changed as he looked at Christ and said,

 “When Your kingdom comes, remember me.”

 In Paradise that day, he stood

 Just like the Lord had said he would

 Surrounded by those who had gone before.

 One said, “Friend, how did you come? What are the deeds you have done?”

 With tears in his eyes, I can hear him reply,

 “There are no merits to my name- no works that I can claim. He Who brought me here told me to say…

 (Chorus)

 I have come by the way of the cross.

 I have come by the way of the cross.

 It is nothing I have done.

 It’s the suffering of God’s Son.

 I have come by the way of the cross.”

 I have nothing to claim but my guilt and my shame.

 Hopelessly lost, I could not find my way.

 Till His glorious light of love shone down on me.

 His mercy washed all my sins away!

 And what He did for me that day

 Was a price I could not pay.

 And by His grace, I too can say- forever say…

 (Chorus)

 Bridge

 I see millions gathered ’round the throne

 From every kindred and tongue-

 Those redeemed by the blood of the Lamb!

 And as they cast their crowns down at His feet

 This will be my story- this will be my song,…

 (Chorus “We”)

There is no other way.. but the cross! By the cross! By the cross!