Blindness Won’t Stop Me
The Morning My Life Changed
Life will always bring challenges, but those challenges do not have to break a person. I have learned that a hard moment can either take a person down or teach that person how strong they really are. With courage, determination, and faith, hardship can become the very thing that builds strength and resilience.
I can still see the hall light shining in my bedroom that night. It was the 5th of May in 1986, and I remember lying in my bed trying to fall asleep while that light came through my room. The twins were scared, so my mother always let them Sleep with the hall light on. I wanted to sleep, but the light kept bothering me. It felt like it was shining right in my face and keeping me out of dream land.
That night already felt heavy to me. My room was dark crimson red and black, and the black curtains matched the trim around my room. Those colors were pretty, but they also fit the mood I was in. I had a lot going on as an adolescent, and losing my vision brought depression with it. There were nights When I could not sleep well because my mind would not be quiet. I was young, but I already knew life was changing around me.
I still remember the smell of dinner that night. The smell of fried chicken stayed in the air long after everyone finished eating. It was one of those smells that stuck with me. When I think about that night, I do not just remember what I saw before I lost my vision. I remember the light, the colors in my room, the smell of food, and the nervous feeling that something was wrong.
Music helped me settled my mind when I couldn’t sleep. I put on my headphones and turned on one of my favorite radio stations, Magic 108 FM. The “quiet Storm Radio Show” was soothing to me. It helped me to stop focusing on the hall light and all of my thoughts that were running through my head. I finally settled down and fell into a deep sleep.
I had a real good dream that night. In my dream, I was roller skating around the block, and I did not fall, not one time. That made me feel so happy because I loved to skate. Back then, I skated five days a week, and it was something I really enjoyed. Looking back now, that dream means something to me because it showed the part of me that felt free before my life change d. In that dream, I was moving fast, having fun, and not worrying about being afraid.
The next morning, I was sleeping so hard that it took my sister a while to wake me up. She kept calling my name, but I did not answer right away. Then she jumped on my bed and shook me, saying, “You are going to miss your bus if you do not get up and get ready for school.” I opened my eyes and said, “What happened? It is dark outside.” My sister said, “Erica, stop playing. It is time to get ready for school.” At first, I did not understand what was going on. I blinked and tried to look around my room, but everything was still dark. That was when fear started rising in my chest because I knew my eyes were open, but I still could not see anything.
I got out of bed, bu t everything felt different. I started feeling my way around my room because I coul dn’t use my eyes to guide me . I reached out with my hands and touched the bed , wall, and anything else I could touch to find my way out of my room. My body felt unsure, and my heart was beating fas ter. I was trying hard not to panic, but deep down I knew something was wrong, and that scared me.
My sister knew something was wrong when she saw me feeling my way down the hall toward the bathroom. I could hear the fear in her voic e. When I stepped into the bathroom, she screamed and started crying. Her crying scared me even more because it made everything feel real. In that moment, I knew this was not just something I was imagining. My vision had changed, an d It was scary. I could hear my mother running upstairs to see what was going on while my sister cried so hard that nothing she said made sense. While I stood in the bathroom reaching for the light switch because part of me still thought the power might be out. I touched the switch and tried to make the darkness go away, but the light was on and nothing changed. I placed my hand on my face and touched my eyes to make sure they were open. That is when the fear really hit me. I did not know what to fee l at first. I was confused, scared, sad, and nervous all at the same time. I started to cry because I kne w my vision was not the same as it was when I went to bed the night before. I could not fix it by turning on a light. My mother did not know what was happening at first. Two of her daughters were crying, and the whole morning felt like it had turned chaotic. I found my way out of the bathroom and said the words out loud: “I am blind.” My mother hugged me and told me, “You are going to be okay.” I wanted to believe her, but in that moment I was scared of everything that was ahead of me.
Deep down, because of what I had already been dealing with, with my vision loss, I knew this day would come. That did not make it easier. Knowing something may happen and living through it are two different things. I was afraid, but I still went to school that day. I did not know how I was going to get through the day, but I went anyway. Going to school that day showed me how hard this new challenge would be. The hallway felt different because I could hear people around me, but I could not see where they were. I felt like everybody was looking at me. Some kids were cruel. They called me names like “blind bat,” “four eyes,” and “cockeyed.” Those words hurt, and I carried them with me that day, even though I tried to act strong. I did have help, and that made a difference. My teacher helped me get through that long day. I stayed inside during recess because I wanted to read a book, and reading braille felt safer than being outside around kids who picked at me, and did not understand what I was going through. I felt sad, scared, and nervous, but I also made it through the day.
As time passed, blindness became my normal. It took me two years to work through my depression. After that, I became a normal teenager, if you can call it that. I started making friends and going to youth activities at church. Those activities were fun at times, and sometimes they were not. I had even more fun with the friends I met in high school. High school was a lot better than middle school. I sang in the choir, went to football games, and ran around with friends. I graduated in the top 100 of my class. I also moved out of my mother’s house at the age of 19 and moved to another state, where I had my own apartment. I held down jobs, got married, raised my two daughters, raised two stepsons, got divorced, and became a single mom. I taught myself how to use a computer while my daughter slept. My computer ha s software that tal ks to me. The software is called JAWS, which stands for Job Access With Speech. I worked in places that were not the best places to work, and I felt like I was wasting my skills. Eventually, I did end up working for a company where I could use what I knew. Right now, I am unemployed because the job I had closed the office here in Missouri and sent the work to Florida. College is now the best choice for me because I have been on so many job interviews that I finally said, “It is time for me to sit on the other side of that desk.” I got tired of the rejection from interviews, especially knowing I did well and still did not get the job . It is the life I live every day now. I have faced many challenges, but I have also learned how to figure things out. I learned how to keep moving even when life felt unfair. I learned that being blind did not mean my life was over. It meant I had to learn how to live my life in a different way.
This is my life now, and I am going to live it to the fullest. Life might have been tough, but I learned and I keep on learning. Life will pass me by, and if I do not get out there and live it, that is on me. I wake up every morning appreciative because I do have a great life. Courage, determination, and faith helped me become resilient, and they continue to help me keep going. insertion point at start
KEEP THE FAITH 