Is There Such A Thing As The Perfect Match?
When you meet someone and you click from the first time you speak. That brings the question about could this be the one who i’ve been waiting for? This can pop up in your mind… Well stay with me on this and you will see where I am going with this subject. I warn you now about this particular subject and it will be all over the place, like my mind is in this moment. I would say being a little scattered brained!
I had loss someone who was like a mother figure to me. She really stepped in and became Grandma to my girls and she really helped me during a very difficult time of my life. I had just gotten a divorce. This single mom stuff was very hard. I really didn’t know what I was doing and this special lady helped me in so many ways. You all don’t know how overwhelmed I was when all of the responsibility was literally dropped into my lap. Yes I got a divorce. Wait before you ask, “Why?” The reason is because I married the wrong man. And the reason I say this is because he didn’t love me like he was suppose to love me. We were good in the beginning. It seems like after we had children everything changed in our marriage.
In the Bible it speaks about how a husband is to love his wife. It is found in the book of Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Also in that same chapter it speaks about how a wife is to love her husband. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
When the bible speaks of submission it isn’t anything vile or perverted. It is talking about submitting and loving your own husband and not someone elses’ husband or wife.
Well my husband didn’t love me at all. I say that to say this, he always had wondering eyes. Before you say but all people do look. I know this is true. If we didn’t we wouldn’t be human. That is the beast in all of us. What I mean by the beast is because when you are a born again Christian you wrestle with the sin nature on a daily basis. What is a born again Christian? A born again Christian is someone who realizes that they are a sinner and wants to be forgiven for their sins. It is so simple just ask Christ to forgive you of your sins and invite him into your heart and live there forever. This will be the best decission you could ever make. I am also letting you know that this road will not be easy. You will loose friends along the way. Also you will have all the normal trials of life but the Lord will be there with you all of the way. Even when you feel all alone he has you and will love you no matter what. Now I am going to let you see a side of me that not too many people will see. I am tired of being so cloudy and pretending everything is ok, when in actuality it really isn’t. I feel like dealing with the things in my closet is better out in the open and not bottled up. I will feel so much better with my story out there. Who knows it may help someone. So now we get to the meat of the sandwich.
You ask how I say my husband was the wrong man for me? I know this because how he treated me. I always had to live in another woman’s shadow. Also who would want to live like that? I know I did for almost 2 decades. He always would say things like, why can’t you loose weight and be as small as so and so? Mind you this I had just had children and just couldn’t get the weight off. I wasn’t the only one in the house who could loose a few pounds, but I was nice about it because I didn’t want to start another argument. When we would argue it would get quite toxic. He would say some of the cruelest things that a person could say to another person. So I did what anybody would do that was in my position. So what I did is put up a front for family and friends. I just took the abuse and tried to keep the peace. I let him get away with so much stuff. He talked bad about me behind my back. He chased women. You don’t have to tell me that my marriage was very volatile. I know now I had no business staying as long as I did. I didn’t know any better and wasn’t sure what to do next. I know now, a man who would treat his Wife like this isn’t a good person to be around. So true in so many ways. He always apologized, but apologies are just empty words if there isn’t any action behind them. Then you know they really didn’t mean them at all. You keep doing the same things over and over it is hard to forgive. I know we are to forgive but it is so hard to forgive when the same thing keeps happening over and over again. Needless to say Our marriage was rocky from day one. I am not saying I am perfect at all. I try to do my best. THERE is one thing that sticks out the most. the one thing I had to ask the whole time I was married was “Why do you treat So and So very good and treat me so horrible?” His answer was “I am not married to them.” I think he had things a little messed up. You always treat the person who you are with with respect. I knew things were starting to really go down the tubes when I lost all respect for him. I just got tired and put all my energy into taking care of my girls. I had to do that because in the back of my mind I knew divorce was in our future. When I say I loss respect for him because he started cheating and I can prove two of the affairs but I know he did other things. I will spare you the details, because if I start telling everything I would be writing forever.
The affair that bought our 18 year marriage crashing down like a house of cards. The affair he had with my so called best friend destroyed me and our children. My children saw more than a child should have ever seen. What I mean by that is they witnessed it before I knew what was going on and a child should not have seen all of the things they saw. Their father was doing wrong, but they shouldn’t seen everything they saw. I knew something was up when she was starting to avoid me and hang out with my husband more than ever.I did ask did I do something and she always told me we were fine. I know now she was hiding what they were doing.
We all worked for the same company and she ended up becoming his secretary. I started noticing little things like they were texting each other in the evening time. I asked what could they possibly talk about in the evening after being together all day at work. I worked in a different department so I wasn’t around them that much. He always would say things like she had to tell me something. I had a bad feeling about their interaction and I was told it was all in my mind. So I knew it wasn’t just in my mind. If I questioned it. It would start another argument. So I just let it come to a head. I even went as far as asking him did he like her? He always said “I don’t know.” He wouldn’t tell me the truth and my gut kept telling me that he wasn’t being very truthful with me at all. Now things just spiraled more out of control and I just stop trying because I felt so alone. So in May of 2012 he left me and our girls for my so called friend. So with friends like that who needs enemies? So he filed for divorce and I did not fight the divorce. I was tired and just couldn’t do it anymore. By the time we had finally gotten divorced. We were in and out of court 5 times. Yes you read that correctly. everything was made very difficult and the divorce was very nasty. I also ended up losing my job in the process of all of that mess.
You have to know by now my self esteem had plummeted below the basement level of my old house. I was really feeling like I am going to lose my mind. I was trying to keep it all together for my kids and just go through the motions. I felt like a typical 40 year old divorced woman. I was always down on myself and letting things roll around in my head that was told to me. Like who would ever want a divorced mom of 2 teenaged girls. You have to know I didn’t really like myself at this point and time. I felt like the younger women had it easier and could get whom ever they wanted. I still feel like I will be all alone. My husband would say things like no other man would want you. So I guess when you are told things like that so many times you start believing them.
Now I am in a different place after being divorced for 7 years. Now this is where the rubber meets the road. I am so much happier now and I don’t feed off of all the things in my past. If I am down on myself I start praying for the Lord to take all of that negativity away. I was in a dark place back then and now I am much much better. I still have my moments but I don’t stay there for long. I even tried dating and it seem like things were going to work out. Well I was so wrong. Either the man was a mama’s boy or they got some wrong advice from friends that really didn’t know me and was just going by what they heard. Yes when people don’t like you they will do and say things to turn people against. You. I find that people who have been hurt in their lives will strike out against you. Also while they are busy dragging you through the mud, they are hurting themselves and never getting the help they needed to heal.
So now back to the dating. Sometimes I feel like it is a game to people these days. People complain about being treated unfairly while they are in relationships. Well men and women can be so cruel to one another when they call themselves being mindful of the other persons feelings in actuality they aren’t being very honest and they are hiding things from one another. When they say this is something that can potentially hurt the other person in the relationship. That person isn’t being very honest at all. When people stumble across the truth it is even worse than you know. People don’t realize that it does something to your outlook on life and relationships. Some people stay single for that reason. The reasons could be they have been burned so many times and just rather be alone. Speaking from experience in my dating life it has been one let down after another. Then I start to blame myself because things could be very good in the beginning. Then it seems like you can turn your head for a second and it is a big mess. Now come on who wants to live life like that? I know I don’t.
So now back to the woman who helped me through the worst time of my life. Dottie Fraker stepped in and became the adoptive mom I needed. So when she died in Oct of 2015 her death really devastated me. I had become even more close to her than I was when I was a teenager. I could call her for anything. The day she went home to be with Jesus was one of the worse days of my life. Simply because I spoke with her that morning before she went to the doctor and found out later she died. I was in a state of shock and walked around like a zombie. At least we told each other I love you and that was the last words we said to each other. So during that time I met some men and started up friendships with them. I wouldn’t say we were dating because I was grieving. When you grieve for someone who is like a mother to you. It is different than the way you would grieve for someone else. I had to find something to keep me busy and let me grieve at the same time. So I went through the Faith Bible Institute 3 year course. I was able to dig deeper into the word and develop a closer relationship with the Lord. So while I was doing all of my grieving I wasn’t dealing too much with social media at all. One day I decided to go on Facebook and look around. I found out that Facebook would filter your messages if the person was not on your friends list. So I just wanted to check my messages to see if I had any filtered messages. I had joined a group called Blind PenPals a month before Dottie passed away. So I did indeed have a message. I didn’t think anything of it. I responded and low and behold the person got back. We chatted back and forth for a couple of weeks. I mean we hit it off from the beginning. I know it is online, but the connection was there. So we exchanged phone numbers. The first time we talked the conversation flowed like we were old friends. There were times we stayed up until 1 in the morning talking. He would call at 7 in the evening. Those hours would just fly by. Over the months we formed a special bond. A bond like we have does not form over night. It took 4 years. I know he’s online, but you don’t know we met in person. We have so much in common. From getting divorced and our ex spouses were the ones who wanted the divorce. Our daughters are the same ages. Both of our older daughters got engaged about six months apart. Our lives are so entwined that whatever happens to me happens to him. Like when he broke his tooth I broke mine 3 days later. I get sick and he would get sick a couple of days later. That may seem like small things but it isn’t small at all to us. We actually hung out in person and the chemistry between us flowed so easily. Sitting in his kitchen and drinking coffee was so much fun. We could talk about anything. Also when we dug into the word the time would just go by so fast. We always said we could not be alone because sparks flew between us so easily. When I say sparks flew they really did.
Now when we kissed for the first time we could feel the electricity charge between us crackling like a fire. I had never been kissed like that in my life. We both were like, “Wow!” We were surprised enough that we kept trying it and getting the same results. It got so intense that we almost went all the way. We came to our senses before we let it get out of control. We talked about it and was on the same page. We didn’t want to disappoint the Lord. Sex outside of marriage is so wrong. Waiting is the best thing to do. It will be more pure and special then. somewhere along the line something changed. We still have our bond, but someone is trying to break it. We had our first disagreement and it was bad. I miss him but he has turned his interest elsewhere. I am not going to bash her but I don’t understand why it happened. He even admitted our bond is still there but I just don’t get men. I don’t want this post to turn into a bashing of men. That is not what I want to do. I am really upset and my feelings are hurt again. Another situation with another younger woman has reared their ugly head again. All the dating I have done since the divorce has ended because of younger girls. I was told not to blame myself, but how can you not? When the cycle seems to keep on going. It easier said than done. What are you to think when a young girl bats her eyes just the right way? I know we all are human and we fight with our flesh everyday. Don’t people try to resist anymore? I feel like the family isn’t like it use to be. People do what ever they want to do and the heck with anyone’s feelings. So what if they get hurt. In their mind people will just have to get over it. That is a selfish attitude to have. So I have come to the conclusion of people will hurt others to have what they want. also know I am not trying to bash younger women because there are a lot of good ones out there. I just have this view because the deck i’ve been dealt. It really stinks when someone is playing dirty pool and they don’t know the impact they will have on someones life. So I hope you realize I showed you a vulnerable part of myself and hope you understand that my emotions are raw. So you will not know what my next post could bring. Hope you stayed with me while I was all over the place. Come back for the next post in a few days. Take care and fill free to leave me a comment. Also KTF Keep The faith. Borrowed from a friend.
KEEP THE FAITH 