Dealing with grief

Grief

Here it is an ordinary day around my apartment. I watched movies and practice for karoke. My day was going just fine.

I had a little frozen pizza for dinner. Settled down and talked with a few friends I hadn’t talked with in a while. I decided I wanted a small bowl of cereal a couple of hours after dinner. I felt a little hungry and figured I didn’t eat  enough.

So on my way to the kitchen I heard  a text come across my phone.  

It happened to be from my brother in-law. I thought hmmm he better not be texting me to tell me my buddy Shell is dead.

Wait a minute I know I haven’t posted my thoughts lately, but I have put them in a file and will post them when I  am ready.

I am taking my time to grieve. I had learned this from a grief support group that deals with grief.

I have learned that grief comes in many forms. I have dealt with a lot of it in my lifetime.  So I will deal with it in the best way I can. I will let it out and perge. Not perging in the way you think. What I mean by perging I am not grieving in silence anymore.

I think the first step is to admit you are grieving.

Grief is experienced in all kinds of ways. Whether it be a loss of a friendship, lover, family member. You have to deal with it in the best way that you can.

Whether you scream and cry. It is perfectly fine for you to cry it is a way of getting your feelings out and you will feel better after a good cry. I know some people may not agree. I had to grow up in a house where you really didn’t show your emotions.  Now I did not keep my feelings all bottled up I let my feelings out.

Dealing with all I had to deal with before I was 13 years  old was hard enough in itself. Also I will talk about all of that in my book that I am currently writing.  It may be out in a year or more because I am doing  all the work  by myself. So it will take me just  a little bit  longer to finish.  

So now my thoughts are all over the place. So please hang on for the ride. I am sorry in advance. My head is too full to sleep.

I know I may sleep after I finish writing.

Tonight I received some news and I am having a hard time dealing so just decided to write. That may help and I am hoping it will.

Ok now for a little background on this post. My friend Shell died this afternoon.

We all expected him to live. Shell was in the hospital for almost a month with double Pneumonia and blood clots in his legs. He did not have Covid.  He was taking a turn for the best. We was thanking God that he was going to recover. Well the Lord had different plans. I know you’re not suppose to question God. Sometimes I have to ask “God why?”

I have to talk to the Lord like I am having a conversation with anyone else.  

So around 8:30 on march 30 I got the news Shell died.

You know everyone always  ask how did it happened. He was getting better until the staff infection. So with everything that was going on with his body he was to weak to fight anymore.

So the Lord took him home. I know it’s God’s will and don’t understand but God knows and everything happens  in his timing.

So this grief is here again. Usually when I grieve I don’t sleep. So I am wanting to get at least a nap.

So I will miss my  buddy, but I will see him again.

There is one memory  that will always be with me that Shell did and I am forever grateful.

We had went to Arkansas for my brother in-laws’ wedding. My Ex husband was being a jerk. I will spare you the details. Shell came to my rescue and gave my Ex husband  a really  good talking to.  I didn’t want to embarrass anyone so I just gave the shortform of the story.

People can say what they want about Shell but I had a new found respect for him. Shell will always be remembered as a lot of roughness around the edges but I will always have the respect for him.

I will miss him and now it is time for me to sleep.

The first step of my grieving is to pray for some sleep. I already know I will cry.

I am taking my grief in stages. This is the best way to deal. Everyone deals with grief in different ways.

I am so glad I am in a grief support group because I need to deal with all the loss I have been through in the last 10 years.

Group is helping and I am so thankful for it. I am glad to know other people who have experienced similar situations.

With the help of prayer and grief group I think I will be just fine.

Thank you for reading and staying with my scattered thoughts. Until next time.

As much as I love you Jesus loves you even more. KTF. Keep The faith;